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Pakistan
Index
Pakistani social life revolves around family and kin.
Even
among members of the most Westernized elite, family
retains its
overarching significance. The family is the basis of
social
organization, providing its members with both identity and
protection. Rarely does an individual live apart from
relatives;
even male urban migrants usually live with relatives or
friends
of kin. Children live with their parents until marriage,
and sons
often stay with their parents after marriage, forming a
joint
family.
The household is the primary kinship unit. In its
ideal, or
extended, form, it includes a married couple, their sons,
their
sons' wives and children, and unmarried offspring. Sons
establish
separate households upon their father's death. Whether or
not an
extended household endures depends on the preferences of
the
individuals involved. Quarrels and divisiveness,
particularly
among the women (mother-in-law and daughters-in-law), can
lead to
the premature dissolution of a joint household.
Descent is reckoned patrilineally, so only those
related
through male ancestors are considered relatives. The
biradari, or group of male kin (the patrilineage),
plays a
significant role in social relations. Its members neither
hold
movable property in common nor share earnings, but the
honor or
shame of individual members affects the general standing
of the
biradari within the community. A common proverb
expresses
this view: "One does not share the bread, but one shares
the
shame."
In theory, members of a biradari are coresidents
of a
single village. In some areas, however, land fragmentation
and
generations of out-migration have led to the dispersal of
many
members of the biradari among various villages,
regions,
and cities. Patrilineal kin continue to maintain ties with
their
natal village and enjoy the legal right of first refusal
in any
biradari land sale.
Members of a biradari celebrate the major life
events
together. Patrilineal kin are expected to contribute food
and to
help with guests in the ceremonies accompanying birth,
marriage,
death, and major religious holidays. The biradari
has
traditionally served as a combined mutual aid society and
welfare
agency, arranging loans to members, assisting in finding
employment, and contributing to the dowries of poorer
families.
There is considerable pressure for patrilineal kin to
maintain good relations with one another. Biradari
members
who quarrel will try to resolve their differences before
major
social occasions so that the patrilineage can present a
united
front to the village. People with sons and daughters of
marriageable age keenly feel the necessity to maintain
good
relations because a person whose family is at odds with
his or
her biradari is considered a poor marriage
prospect.
Although descent is reckoned patrilineally, women
maintain
relations with their natal families throughout life. The
degree
of involvement with maternal kin varies among ethnic
groups and
among regions of the country. The tie between brother and
sister
is typically strong and affectionate; a woman looks to her
brothers for support in case of divorce or widowhood early
in her
marriage. In those regions where families maintain
considerable
contact with maternal kin, children, even though they are
members
of their father's patrilineage, are indulged by their
mother s
kin. Just as a family's relations with its biradari
are
considered in evaluating a potential spouse, so in these
regions
may the mother's kin be assessed.
Marriage is a means of allying two extended families;
romantic attachments have little role to play. The husband
and
wife are primarily representatives of their respective
families
in a contractual arrangement, which is typically
negotiated
between two male heads of household. It is fundamentally
the
parents' responsibility to arrange marriages for their
children,
but older siblings may be actively involved if the parents
die
early or if they have been particularly successful in
business or
politics. The terms are worked out in detail and are
noted, by
law, at the local marriage registry.
Marriage is a process of acquiring new relatives or
reinforcing the ties one has with others. To participate
fully in
society, a person must be married and have children,
preferably
sons, because social ties are defined by giving away
daughters in
marriage and receiving daughters-in-law. Marriage with
one's
father's brother's child is preferred, in part because
property
exchanged at marriage then stays within the patrilineage.
The
relationship between in-laws extends beyond the couple and
well
past the marriage event. Families related by marriage
exchange
gifts on important occasions in each others lives. If a
marriage
is successful, it will be followed by others between the
two
families. The links thus formed persist and are reinforced
through the generations. The pattern of continued
intermarriage
coupled with the occasional marriage of nonrelatives
creates a
convoluted web of interlocking ties of descent and
marriage.
A woman's life is difficult during the early years of
marriage. A young bride has very little status in her
husband s
household; she is subservient to her mother-in-law and
must
negotiate relations with her sisters-in-law. Her situation
is
made easier if she has married a cousin and her
mother-in-law is
also her aunt. The proper performance of all the elaborate
marriage ceremonies and the accompanying exchange of gifts
also
serve to enhance the new bride's status. Likewise, a rich
dowry
serves as a trousseau; the household goods, clothing,
jewelry,
and furniture included remain the property of the bride
after she
has married.
Marriage also involves a dower, called
haq mehr (see Glossary),
established under Islamic law, the
sharia (see Glossary).
Although some families set a symbolic haq mehr
of Rs32 (for value of the
rupee--see Glossary)
in accordance with
the traditions of the Prophet Muhammad, others may demand
hundreds of thousands of rupees.
A wife gains status and power as she bears sons. Sons
will
bring wives for her to supervise and provide for her in
her old
age. Daughters are a liability, to be given away in an
expensive
marriage with their virginity intact. Therefore, mothers
favor
their sons. In later life, the relationship between a
mother and
her son remains intimate, in all likelihood with the
mother
retaining far more influence over her son than his wife
has.
Data as of April 1994
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